After Care and the Reasons Why It’s Important

Aftercare, BDSM, dominant, sub frenzy, subdrop, Submissive, subspace -

After Care and the Reasons Why It’s Important

Aftercare is a period of time where the players involved in a BDSM scene attend to one another's physical, emotional, and psychological needs. In most instances it is the Dominant partner that is taking care of the submissive partner's needs at this point in time during the scene. I use the word scene because, the scene isn't over when the crop is put down. 
Aftercare should be one of the biggest priorities involved in a BDSM scene. The reasons why, are extensive. First of all during a BDSM scene it is very typical that there are some injuries that result from the scene that just played out. For some those injuries are minor bruising or scratches, but there is also more extreme instances where there is cuts, breaks in the skin, or the like to tend to. It is imperative that the Dominant take responsibility for the care of the submissive's physical needs, to ensure nothing major is affecting the submissive, lasting or otherwise. This is the perfect setting to bond with each other. Whether you are just massaging sore spots or cleaning an open break on the skin with a warm wash cloth, showing care for your submissive makes them feel like you care for their well being beyond the scene, which you should.
BDSM scenes are very physically and emotionally draining to submissives. This is hard for people to understand that haven’t been through an intense scene. It is easy to hold a whip in your hand and go to town, but there are ramifications to wielding. Especially if your partner has hit subspace. It is not uncommon for the submissive to release their emotions directly after or during a scene. Some people cry it all out in great big ugly sobs, or some people giggle and get it out through laughter. Regardless of how the release comes out, it is responsible Dominating, to ensure that the submissive is getting the care they deserve out of it. There is nothing like releasing all that pent up emotion and having someone there to catch you when you let it go. The Dominant should be acting accordingly to ensure it is not a negative experience. For some I can understand it is a bit off putting to have a sniveling sloppy submissive clinging to you, but you have to remember it isn’t anything you did that is negative. Letting all of those emotions loose is a wonderful experience. Embrace it.
What many people confuse about aftercare is that it is just something you have to do to bring your partner back down to finish the scene. While that is true, it is a very vague statement, that leaves out what it really is. Aftercare is a time that is about emotional healing and reconnecting after the scene. If you have the time to do a scene you have to finish it with aftercare, it is so very important to the submissive’s emotional and physical well being, don’t skip it.
With reconnecting, it is a good time to discuss the scene and what worked and what didn’t for both parties. Simply just holding the submissive and having a good cuddle and a conversation works wonders. It is the perfect moment to bond with each other. Just a side note, this conversation should also be visited at a later time, especially when both parties have had more time to process the scene and are more coherent. 
Now let’s discuss some tips and things you can do to prevent dropping hard, after a scene. We’ve already touched on the physical and emotional without drop. When a submissive has achieved subspace the submissive is more fragile after a scene and it is imperative that aftercare be done and done well. Subspace isn’t something you should be afraid of, for many it is the ultimate rush and something that is celebrated. If you do not know what subspace is here is the definition: subspace: A “natural high” that a bottom may experience during an intense physical or emotional scene. The sub may feel disconnected from time, space, and/or their body, and may have limited ability to communicate. It is critical that the Dominant takes responsibility for the submissive and care for their well-being while they are in subspace. Subspace can vary widely between submissives and in any sub’s reaction to a given “scene”. The degree and length of “floating” can be used to gauge how strongly s/he was affected by the “scene”. 
When in subspace the submissive experiences a rush of endorphins, it is just the bodies way of coping with the pain experienced during the scene. In some instances there doesn’t have to be any pain experienced, it is just a place the submissive goes to mentally enjoy the scene. Either way, the downfall from this can bring forth very high levels of anxiety and trauma to the body. The best thing to do is prevent this from happening through aftercare. 
I’ve experienced subdrop at it’s worst and it is no picnic. I am not much of a cuddler, I prefer to be on my own after sexual encounters, but have since learned the error of my ways. I know now that I need to have the time to come down and I cannot do it on my own. My Sir is my anchor and if I don’t connect with him properly after a scene I am a mess, and most times, it isn’t an immediate thing. I am one of those people that experience drop days later. It is a serious misconception that aftercare is only immediately after a scene. I am solid proof that that is not always the case. While the aftercare that takes place after my scenes is immediate it prevents the anxiety I experience days later. Just to be safe my Dominant makes sure to keep connected with me to ensure that I don’t experience any high anxiety later on. If you are one of those submissives that take a lot of time to wind down like me, there is some simple tools we use that help to avoid all the stress later on. One of the things we do is reach out to each other when we can whether it be physically or if we are apart from each other we call and talk to each other when possible, and text each other to keep that connection flowing. 
It is important that you hone into your body and recognize the signs of subdrop so you can act accordingly if need be. When the scene is over many people experience signs of depression, a sense of urgency, which in many cases causes people to shut down. If you experience this, please don’t give in to it. It will pass, and logic will set in. I have been an illogical wreck and I can tell you it is not fun. The important thing to do is recognize this isn’t like you, and there is a very logical reason you are experiencing this feeling. This is the time to come together not distance yourself. Like I told you before I am NOT a cuddler, but if there ever was a time for a netflix and chill moment, this is it. The world is not going to end and this is not the time for you to give up and forget the lifestyle. Those are big decisions and you need to know that through great aftercare this isn’t always going to happen. Everyone is affected by drop differently, you just have to experiment and figure out what exactly you need to get through it. It is very important to have a Dominant partner that understands all of the logistics of a scene and is more than willing to accommodate your needs and make sure you get through it, whether it is three days later or the same day. It doesn’t matter of the when, it just matters that they are available to get you through it.
Some people have what they call an after care kit or bag, that is full of what will help them to come down safely. You can put things in it like granola bars, chocolate, bottled water to keep hydrated. You would be surprised how a bite of something sugary and just hydrating helps the body heal. Also during an intense session I sometimes get very cold after a scene, so a warm blanket or some fuzzy socks are another couple of items that would be good for the bag. If you have certain items not listed that you keep in your kit, feel free to comment and add to this discussion. We are all different and require different things when it comes to drop and aftercare, so it helps if we can learn from each other.
So the conclusion of this article, please make sure to give good aftercare. Everyone involved wants the scene to be a positive experience. If you don’t give good aftercare, you are risking the future of scenes that are possible because you are skipping the most important step involved. Aftercare is not an option, it’s a requirement. I encourage all of you to read up about subspace and subdrop and get the best understanding of it possible. These topics are the core of being a good partner in this lifestyle and it will also help you to be a better submissive and a better Dominant by having this knowledge. 
Written by Leigh Lee Savage